So it's all the small little things that you have allowed to accumulate into this huge resentment that you have against me! That's what you told me over the phone at 5:28 pm today. And I believed you. I knew how it felt like.

You resented me last night for not letting you drive me home. You resented me for not allowing you to take care of me the way you wanted to. You resented me for being blind to your love and affection---shown to me, may be not through your words---but through your small little deeds that you do to me daily. So you went to sleep resenting. So you woke up resenting.

I forget faster than you do. God has made me that way. Probably that's why I recover more quickly from emotional bruises...But you are the one who always remembers that we are in love. Okay maybe not in love per se (Who dares to say we arent anyway!) but the fact that we have chosen to bind ourselves together, under God, and that we wouldnt stop being faithful to each other and to Him. I forget that sometimes. I forget that you are a man of your words, that you always mean what you said 3 months ago, even when you are silent. Even when you resent. Now the point is that I forget it too easily.

I forgot it and I let the tempter whisper these lies into my ears last night in my sleep: that your faithfulness could only last that far, that your silence meant anger---(and to me anger always meant unreasonableness, violence, hatred, bitterness--thanks to my earthy father), that your silence meant you were sick and tired and wanting a way out of this covenant with me and God, that you wanted to chicken out, that you wanted to admit defeat...that you were just like all the other male chauvinistic pigs whom I swore never to know. Those lies were scary. But I believed them.

And I tossed over in my bed last night, clinging onto God for my (last) comfort. He seemed distant and my heart was heavy. I couldnt trust Him.

But this afternoon there was sunshine all over again! There was sunshine all around me because of those words you spoke to me. You didnt intend to resolve my fears, I knew! But you saved me from those lies I believed in and helped me to see God again.

Thank you.